Monday, November 9, 2026

#Review w/Excerpt - The Whitechapel Full Moon Society by Elizabeth DeLozier #Historical #Fantasy

Series:
 Standalone
Format: 
368 pages, Paperback
Release Date: August 25, 2026
Publisher: Dutton
Source: Publisher
Genre: Historical, Fantasy

Set in London, 1888, when Queen Victoria reigns and Jack the Ripper is terrorizing the East End, this gripping, original novel blends historical, fantasy, and mystery so well, it will have you howling at the full moon.

Yearning for adventure and freedom and stifled by her overprotective father, Caroline Foster wishes something--anything--would happen to her. After Caroline’s father dies suddenly, leaving her orphaned and responsible for his debts, she has no choice but to pack her bags and leave for London, where she hopes to find her brother, Charlie. The problem is, she hasn't heard from him in weeks, and only has an address for an East End boarding house that bears a strange name...

When Caroline arrives at the Whitechapel Full Moon Society, she finds a dilapidated façade belying an interior as opulent as any exclusive gentlemen’s club. In exchange for room and board, Caroline is hired as the Full Moon’s maid, where she is given three orders: don’t ask personal questions, stay out of the iron-barred room on the second floor, and remain in her bedroom from sunup to sundown on the full moon. But when it is revealed that the previous maid was murdered, an early victim of Jack the Ripper, Caroline begins to suspect her hosts might be hiding a dangerous secret.

Tantalizing and pulsing, Elizabeth DeLozier’s sophomore novel gives an exciting alternative look into the infamous Jack the Ripper story with a major, supernatural twist.



The Whitechapel Full Moon Society by Elizabeth DeLozier is a historical fantasy and gothic mystery that reimagines the autumn of 1888 in Whitechapel through the eyes of a desperate young woman. It is the author's sophomore novel, following the well-received Eleanore of Avignon. Blending the documented terror of the Jack the Ripper murders with folklore, family secrets, and a controlled supernatural element, it delivers a propulsive story of inheritance, identity, and the thin line between the monstrous and the human. 

Caroline Foster arrives in the East End penniless and orphaned after her father’s death and the collapse of the family fortune. Almost everyone believes her older brother Charlie died as an infant, but Caroline knows better—he has been a secret part of her life since childhood. Ignoring his final warning letter, she tracks him to 212 Old Montague Street and the Whitechapel Full Moon Society, a men’s boarding house whose shabby exterior conceals an unexpectedly opulent interior. 

Hired as the new maid (under the assumed name Caroline Huxley) in exchange for room and board, she is given three ironclad rules: ask no personal questions, stay out of the iron-barred room on the second floor, and remain locked in her bedroom from sundown to sunup on the full moon. The previous maid was murdered—an early victim linked to the Ripper killings—and Charlie has vanished without a trace. As more bodies appear with connections to the Society, Caroline investigates the eclectic residents (including the charismatic chemist Rab Ripley), navigates the squalid and dangerous streets of Whitechapel, and pieces together her own family’s buried history.

Newspaper clippings and letters from “Jack” heighten the historical dread. The narrative steadily shifts from pure historical mystery into speculative territory involving an inherited blood condition that surfaces under the full moon. DeLozier excels at immersion. The fog-choked alleys, the boarding house’s paradoxical elegance, the constant undercurrent of fear, and the physical and social vulnerability of women in late-Victorian London are rendered with sharp, sensory detail. 

She treats the five canonical Ripper victims with notable respect, giving particular humanity and presence to Mary Jane Kelly rather than reducing her to a crime scene. The inclusion of period ephemera (newspapers, letters) grounds the story without overwhelming the fiction. Prose is accessible and engaging—more straightforward than densely Victorian—making the book approachable even for readers who do not regularly seek historical fiction, while still feeling period-appropriate. 

Caroline is a compelling, if sometimes reckless, protagonist: a formerly sheltered gentlewoman forced into servant work who grows into resourcefulness and agency. Her relationships—with the enigmatic Rab, the residents who become a found family, and the ghosts of her mother and brother—drive both the emotional and thematic core. The novel explores inheritance (literal and metaphorical), the construction of monstrosity, the difference between being dangerous and being condemned, and the particular perils faced by economically vulnerable women. 

A light romantic thread and questions of identity and belonging enrich the mystery without derailing it. Strengths include the vivid setting, respectful historical integration, strong character work, and the clever interlocking of the personal mystery, the Ripper investigation, and the supernatural secret. The Whitechapel Full Moon Society is a successful genre mash-up for readers who enjoy atmospheric historical fiction with a speculative twist, strong female leads, and gothic mystery. It is ideal for fans of V. E. Schwab, Dana Schwartz, Sarah Penner, or Theodora Goss, as well as anyone drawn to Ripper lore who is open to a fresh, non-procedural angle. 



chapter 1

The Daily Telegraph

Monday, September 10, 1888

Another most horrible murder has been perpetrated in Whitechapel. At an early hour on Saturday morning, the body of a woman was found lying in the corner of a yard in Hanbury-street, a low thoroughfare, not far from Buck's-row, the scene of a similar tragedy ten days ago. The deceased's throat was cut, she had been disembowelled, and there were other circumstances of the most revolting barbarity. The body proved to be that of Annie Chapman, a widow, who had for many years been separated from her husband, and had of late been leading a somewhat loose life, taking up her quarters principally in the poorer sort of East-end lodging-houses. There is at present no very tangible clue to the murderer, but the police have issued a description of the man who is "wanted" for the deed. The coroner's inquest will be opened this morning.

September 11, 1888

As the third-class train carriage careened southward, Caroline Foster tried not to cry.

The window was open a crack-no more, for it was pouring rain; already the threadbare upholstery was stained dark where the drops had crept through-and Caroline raised her nose to the sliver of air, inhaling the sweetness of late-summer leaves over the body odors of her carriage mates.

She hadn't eaten anything since dawn, and then only a piece of bread. Despite her clenched stomach she had savored it, knowing it would be her last taste of home. How foolish not to bring the whole loaf, a lump of salted butter wrapped in wax paper, a jar of Cook's peach preserves.

Now the old faintness was creeping up, the sensation that her edges were bleeding away like an inked word under a drop of water, and she forced her eyes to focus on the green blur of trees through the train window.

She pulled at the ring she wore around her neck like a pendant, drawing the band across the links with a satisfying thrum. An old habit from childhood. Carys would have swatted at her hand, said something about young ladies and fidgeting. But Carys was not here.

Charlie, Caroline said to the panic rising like a tide in her head. Just find Charlie.

"That's a pretty piece, miss."

Caroline's head swiveled. It was a man's voice, pitched to be heard over the clattering steel. And the broad, suntanned face it belonged to was staring straight at her, nodding at the ring between her fingers.

She blinked. This man was speaking to her-to her, a young lady traveling without a companion. A laborer, she guessed, from his thick Midlands accent and chapped hands. Had she crossed paths with him in Stafford's high street, he would have stared at his boots and touched his cap.

"Gold, is it?" he asked, baring his teeth in a yellow smile.

Caroline cast a glance at their cabin's only other passenger, hoping she might intervene. But Mrs. Flaherty was snoring softly, her head lolling side to side with the movement of the train. The older woman had introduced herself to Caroline when they both boarded in Stafford, declared, We ladies need to stick together!, then promptly fallen asleep.

Caroline could feel the man's eyes on her. The seconds ticked away, marked by the beat of blood in her ears. God help her, she must say something. The silence was intolerable.

Channeling Eloise, who possessed a chilly haughtiness that sent the servants scrambling, Caroline straightened her spine to its full, unremarkable height, turned her pale gaze on the laborer, and said, "Yes. It's gold."

The man raised his eyebrows. "Family heirloom, is it?"

"It is."

"Fine piece. I'd pay a pretty penny for it, miss, if you're looking to sell."

Caroline blanched. "I would never sell it," she said, rather more loudly than she'd meant to. "It was my mother's." The engraving pressed against the skin of her chest: seven flowers hung with drops of blood. The Blevins family crest.

The laborer shrugged and leaned back against the carriage bench. "Just an offer, miss. Thought maybe you could use the coin." And with that, he pulled the brim of his hat over his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

Caroline turned her face to the window and tried to slow her cantering heart. This was the sort of familiarity she could expect now. Being spoken to by strangers. By strange men. If only Carys were here, occupying the seat beside her with the withering presence of a wimpled nun. But Caroline's maid had had left months ago, gone back to her family in Wales when Lord Foster could no longer pay her wages. Caroline had wept, wrapped her arms around Carys in a gesture of affection that she had never before dared to attempt, for though the woman was as unyielding as a piece of gristle, she was the last mooring rope that tied Caroline to the sunken ship of her long-dead mother.

Carys had stiffened under the embrace. But she did not pull away, nor raise her own bony arms to hug Caroline in return. When Caroline had once more gained control of herself, she had drawn back, self-conscious and sniffling, to find the Welshwoman gazing into her face as though memorizing it.

Take your medicine. The last thing she had said before trundling toward the waiting coach. Don't forget to take your medicine.

Caroline hazarded a glance at the man seated across from her. Already, soft snores emanated from beneath his lowered hat. Mrs. Flaherty's fingers were twitching in her lap like the legs of a sleeping dog.

Slowly, silently, Caroline opened the purse at her waist and slid the tin box free. She hooked a fingernail under the lid's edge and drew a rust-colored pill from its companions.

She had meant to call for Dr. Hoffman before she left. When the bank accounts were empty and the jewelry pawned, the old doctor had accepted an enamel snuff box as payment and promised to return the next week with Caroline's medicine. But he had not. And, drowning as she had been beneath her father's debts, she had forgotten to send for him.

She still had a month's supply, Caroline told herself as she returned the box to her purse. And there were doctors aplenty in London; Charlie would pay the fee. Besides, she had never liked Hoffman, with his jar of leeches, the way his hands lingered on her body during his examinations.

The pill dissolved on her tongue, metallic and bitter and oddly floral. The pressure in her head immediately lessened. Caroline rested her forehead against the cool, beaded glass of the window.

Find Charlie, she said to herself, to the passing sheds and fences, the sodden fields. Just find Charlie.


She had left Audley House that morning with nothing but her father’s battered steamer trunk and five shillings in her purse. The wealthy American who bought Audley House had not wished to meet the penniless daughter of the deceased owner, so she had left the keys as bidden on the parlor mantel and climbed into the Foster carriage for the last time.

She and Charlie had dreamed of sharing the house one day. They would race horses through the woods, eat supper picnic-style beside the parlor fire instead of in the uncomfortable high-backed dining room chairs. They would pull quilts out of the cedar-lined linen closets and drag them to the front lawn each August to watch the stars fall. The Staffordshire wives could call them savages from behind their gloves and fans, but they would not care, for they would be happy, and free, and, at long last, masters of their own lives.

But life was not a story, Caroline reminded herself. It did not follow the predictable beats of a novel.

And it was a childish dream, anyway.

So she had left the hallways of locked rooms, with their ghostly perfume and broken windowpanes. She had left the black-spotted mirrors that flaked gold leaf on the carpets like dandruff. She had left the silent kennels, the stables long emptied of horses.

She had left her father in the churchyard at St. Mary's beneath a new white headstone that shone as garishly as a gold tooth beside the time-worn marble of the others:

Helen Anne Foster,
beloved wife and mother

Mary Grace Foster,
called to heaven after twenty-one days of life

Anne Elizabeth Foster,
called to heaven after seven days of life

Charles Wallace Foster,
born sleeping

But Charlie's bones were not buried in the black Staffordshire earth.

He was Caroline's most precious secret. Her brother was alive.

And she was going to find him.

The rain stopped by the time they reached the outskirts of London.

Caroline had watched the countryside thicken from fields to villages and from villages to factories. Belching smokestacks stained the rain-wet windows gray and gritty. Black scars scored the green land: mines and quarries and new roads.

Mrs. Flaherty's yawn filled the carriage with the sharp smell of onions. "Looks like we're nearly there," she said, smacking her lips and peering through the glass.

"Last station was Camden Town," the laborer replied helpfully. He had snorted awake the last time the train lurched to a halt but had not addressed Caroline again. "About five minutes more, I'd wager."

"Birmingham to London in three hours," Mrs. Flaherty said with a shake of her head. The saliva had dried in a track down one side of her mouth, like that left by a tear. "A miracle, that is. Whereabouts are you all headed? My sister rents a flat off Charing Cross Road. If either of you are going south, we could split the price of a cab."

The laborer shook his head. "No cab for me, miss. I'm to Hoxton. The omnibus is good enough."

Mrs. Flaherty wrinkled her nose. "The bus is so crowded. Last time I took it, a woman got on with a crate of chickens. Live chickens, mind you. Sat right next to me. She rode for four stops, them all the while squawking and molting and dropping shit on my best boots." She gave Caroline's mourning gown an appraising glance. "What about you, Miss Foster? Headed southwest? Mayfair, I'll wager. Or Green Park? Charing Cross will be on your way. It won't put you out three minutes to drop me first."

Caroline resisted the urge to slip her fingers into the purse at her belt, feel the reassuring edges of Charlie's last letter.

"I'm headed east, I'm afraid," she said with a polite smile. "But thank you for the offer."

"East? Which borough?"

Caroline swallowed. "Whitechapel."

Silence fell in the carriage.

"Whitechapel," Mrs. Flaherty repeated, as though the word were foreign. "Are you quite sure?"

"Yes." Caroline breathed against the faintness that was rising within her again, despite the mollifying effects of Dr. Hoffman's medicine. "Quite certain. I'm meeting my brother."

"And this brother can't be bothered to meet you at St. Pancras?" Mrs. Flaherty's face was incredulous, her wide jaw slack. "He expects his sister to make her way to the East End, unaccompanied?"

"I'm surprising him."

At least it was the truth.

She hadn't heard from Charlie in months, not since the bleak weeks in early spring after their father died and she learned the family fortune had been squandered at horse tracks and whist tables. Her brother's note was strange and short, the handwriting so frantic she barely believed it was his.

Stay in Stafford.

Missing was the salutation, her favorite two words in the whole of the English language: Dear Cat. The margins were wide and empty, devoid of the drawings that always decorated his letters.

Don't come here, whatever you do. Something has changed. I can't say more, but it's not safe. I'll come to you. As soon as I sort things, I'll come to you.

-C

But Charlie hadn't come. He hadn't written back, not even when she had begged him, sent a dozen letters warped with tears. Every day, as she sold off the horses, the furniture, the paintings of their ancestors, she stared through the windows as though she could summon him. He would appear now, now, now. She would glance up and see him at the turn of the drive, his dark hair incorrigible as a cock's comb, his long arms swinging.

On the sweltering August morning when she signed the deed over to the American's beady-eyed lawyer, Caroline had kept glancing past his shoulder at the door, expecting her brother to burst through it.

But he had not come. So, despite the strangeness of the message, despite the warning to remain where she was, Caroline was going to him.

"A young lady such as yourself has no business in Whitechapel," the laborer said now, his face somber. "No business at all."

"You've heard of the murders, Miss Foster?" Mrs. Flaherty spoke with such vehemence that her jowls trembled. "The women?"

A ripple ran up Caroline's spine.

"Aye," the man confirmed with a nod. "A man has been murdering women in Whitechapel. Two last month alone, found with their bellies slit. And the police making a botchery of it, as they always do."

It had been months since a newspaper had been delivered to Audley House. Caroline knew nothing of the outside world, had heard nothing but her own frantic thoughts since Lord Foster's heart stopped beating.

"You must have another place to stay," Mrs. Flaherty said, eyeing the black silk roses bunched in Caroline's bonnet, the mother-of-pearl buttons on her boots. "Another relative in London?"

Her mouth had gone dry. But she must say something. They were staring at her.

"I appreciate your concern." The words sounded cool, iced with Eloise's borrowed superiority. "But I will be under the care of my brother. I will be safe."

Ignoring the weighted glance that passed between her two companions, Caroline turned imperiously back to the window.

Women murdered. The words thundered through Caroline's head alongside the clattering of the train. Bellies slit. Was that why Charlie had forbidden her from coming? Because there was a murderer of women at large?

Caroline took a long, shuddering breath.

But she had nowhere else to go.




Wednesday, November 4, 2026

#Review - The Devoted Game by Debra Webb #Mystery #Suspense

Series:
 Standalone
Format: 
318 pages, Kindle Edition
Release Date: January 6, 2026
Publisher: Thomas & Mercer
Source: Kindle Unlimited
Genre: Mystery, Suspense

A disgraced FBI agent is challenged to a life-or-death match by a deviously clever kidnapper in this propulsive novel by USA Today bestselling author Debra Webb.

Former FBI agent Ryan McBride crashed and burned three years ago after a case took a fatal turn. He swore he was done with the Bureau forever—until Special Agent Vivian Grace shows up at his door with a new case he can’t refuse.

Six-year-old Alyssa Byrne has been kidnapped, and her abductor, alias Devoted Fan, has threatened to kill her in twenty-four hours. He promises to reveal the girl’s location to the FBI on one condition: He’ll only talk to McBride.

With the clock ticking, Grace and McBride race to solve Devoted Fan’s puzzles, each more twisted than the last. But when another victim goes missing, with a promise of more to come, they realize that Devoted Fan is not just a stranger with a deranged obsession. His sick game is somehow connected to both their pasts—but around which dark corner lies the answer?

Revised edition: Previously published as Nameless, this edition of The Devoted Game includes editorial revisions.


The Devoted Game by Debra Webb is a fast-paced suspense thriller that delivers high-stakes cat-and-mouse tension, flawed protagonists, and a ticking-clock premise. This revised edition of Webb’s earlier novel Nameless (originally published in 2008 as part of the Less/Dark and Dangerous series) includes editorial revisions. Former FBI special agent Ryan McBride was once a highly regarded specialist in kidnapping cases. Three years earlier, a case ended fatally; he was scapegoated and left the Bureau in disgrace. He has since retreated to the Florida Keys (Key West), drowning his failures in alcohol and isolation. 

Agent Vivian Grace—a relatively new agent with her own traumatic history as a kidnapping survivor—arrives at his door. A six-year-old girl, Alyssa Byrne, has been abducted in Alabama. Her kidnapper, who styles himself “Devoted Fan,” issues a 24-hour deadline and will only communicate with McBride. He frames the case as a series of twisted tests and puzzles designed to force McBride back into the game. As McBride and Grace race to solve each challenge and locate victims, additional abductions occur. It becomes clear that the perpetrator’s obsession is not random; the “game” is deeply connected to both agents’ pasts. 

The narrative alternates between the intensifying investigation, the protagonists’ personal demons, and the escalating danger. The book excels as a propulsive thriller, with short chapters, relentless pacing, and a genuine sense of urgency driven by deadlines and escalating stakes. The puzzles and riddles keep the investigation active rather than purely reactive, and the emotional weight of the characters’ histories (McBride’s bitterness and failure, Grace’s survival trauma) adds depth beyond pure procedural mechanics. Ryan McBride is a compelling, imperfect hero. His alcoholism, cynicism, and self-destructive habits make him human and grounded rather than a polished action hero. 

The partnership between the disgraced veteran and the determined younger agent generates both professional friction and personal chemistry. Suspension of disbelief is occasionally required regarding the FBI’s willingness to involve a disgraced former agent so centrally. The romance aspect of this story didn't appeal to me at all, but it will likely appeal to fans of character-driven crime fiction with a significant romantic thread, ticking-clock plots, and authors such as Harlan Coben or other procedural romantic suspense writers. 




Monday, November 2, 2026

#Review - Carl's Doomsday Scenario by Matt Dinniman #Dystopian #LITpg

Series:
 Dungeon Crawler Carl # 2
Format: Kindle, 400 pages
Release Date: 
January 6, 2021
Publisher: Dandy House
Source: Kindle Unlimited
Genre: LITpg, Dystopian, Humor

"The training levels have concluded. Now the games may truly begin."

The ratings and views are off the chart. The fans just can't get enough. The dungeon gets more dangerous each day. But in a grinder designed to chew up and spit out crawlers by the millions, Carl and Princess Donut need to work harder than ever just to survive.

They call it the Over City. A sprawling, once-thriving metropolis devastated by a mysterious calamity. But these streets are far from abandoned. An undead circus trawls the ruins. Murdered prostitutes rain from the sky. An ancient spell is finally ready to reveal its dark purpose.

Carl still has no pants.

They call it Dungeon Crawler World. For Carl and Donut, it's anything but a game.


Carl's Doomsday Scenario is the Second installment in author Matt Dinniman's Dungeon Crawler Carl series. The Borant Corporation has destroyed Earth's surface structures and converted them into an 18-level dungeon for the galaxy’s most popular reality show, Dungeon Crawler World. Survivors become “crawlers” forced to fight, loot, and perform for an interstellar audience under a capricious System AI. 

Carl, a pragmatic Coast Guard veteran, teams up with Princess Donut, his ex-girlfriend’s prize Persian show cat, who gains intelligence, speech, and powers. They are joined by their growing menagerie and guided (sometimes reluctantly) by Mordecai.  Book 2 opens as the training floors end and the real games begin on Floor 3: the Over City, a sprawling, ruined urban environment with open-world elements, NPC settlements living out scripted (and sometimes sentient) storylines, and formal quests. 

Crawlers lock in permanent race and class choices. Carl selects the Primal race and the Compensated Anarchist class (leaning into explosives and unconventional problem-solving); Donut remains a cat and chooses Former Child Actor, securing lasting manager benefits. Their pet Mongo the velociraptor becomes a more prominent (and lethal) part of the team. They are quickly pulled into an undead circus quest, mysteries involving skyfowl settlements and falling corpses, political fallout from Carl’s televised commentary, and a cascading crisis that literally produces the title item. 

Carl’s first-person narration grounds the absurdity in dry, exhausted realism and gallows humor, while Donut’s theatrical, status-obsessed personality provides constant comic contrast and unexpected emotional weight. Their partnership—part found family, part odd-couple survival unit—is the series’ true engine. Donut’s growth from pampered pet to strategic (if still bratty) participant is handled with surprising care amid the chaos. The book excels at inventive game-system play. 

Class and race choices matter, inventory management becomes high-stakes improvisation, and Carl’s explosive-focused toolkit leads to creative, rule-bending solutions rather than pure power fantasy. The Over City’s shift to more open, quest-driven territory lets Dinniman explore NPC sentience, scripted backstories that can break, and the production machinery of the show (talk shows, sponsorships, corporate interference by Borant and other factions like the Skull Empire). 

The satire of reality television, corporate exploitation, and the commodification of suffering is sharper and more integrated than in the first book. Humor and horror coexist without canceling each other out. There are undead circuses, attack lemurs, battle giraffes, body horror, and genuine trauma, yet the comedy rarely feels cheap. Themes of friendship as resistance, agency within a rigged system, and the cost of staying human under spectacle land effectively. Also, Carl's little group gets an addition in the form of Katia Grim, who was part of Hekla's group. Katia is Icelandic Doppelgänger crawler, and former art professor. 

I haven't read any spoilers or any reviews for other books, but I think the Lucia Mar and Hekla angle is going to be a serious issue going forward for Donut and Carl. I also like that Mongo is becoming a bigger part of this group. Highly recommended for fans of LitRPG, dark humor, and high-concept SF/fantasy hybrids, with the audiobook especially worth prioritizing. Graphic violence, strong language, dark themes (including trauma, exploitation, and death), and crude humor. Best suited for adult readers. Readers who love the mix of LitRPG mechanics, dark comedy, inventive combat, and the Carl–Donut dynamic will almost certainly want the next volume immediately (The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook).



1

Welcome, Crawler, to the third floor.

The previous level will collapse in 3 hours and
35 minutes.

We teleported straight from the greenroom to a long golden hallway reminiscent of the first hallway we had entered.

"Carl, look! We're outside!" Donut said, looking up into the air. Next to her, Mongo gave an uncertain squawk.

Sure enough, a dark sky rose above us, dotted with stars. A colorful nebula, reminiscent of the background image on Odette's stage, covered the sky.

The air still felt stale. I pulled my slingshot, aimed it at the stars, and I fired.

Plink. Sure enough, the rock bounced off the ceiling, about 25 feet up.

"It's an illusion," I said. "It's like that mall in Las Vegas. They make it look like you're outside, but you're really not."

"Well, that's disappointing," Donut said.

The walls and the ground were made of golden-colored bricks. A plush red carpet led to a familiar door at the end of the hallway. As we approached, the door opened on its own. A tall figure stepped out, and all three of us stopped.

A well-built, young, and disgustingly handsome man wearing a tuxedo waited for us. His skin was a dusky gray, and he had a short pair of devil horns jutting from his forehead. The man stood about my height, and he had long gray-and-black hair that was held back in a ponytail. A barbed tail poked from the rear of his tuxedo. A pair of black bat-like wings sat folded tightly against his back.

"Hello, Mordecai," I said, examining his new form. "Jesus, dude. Looking good."

"Wow," Donut said, looking him up and down. "I wouldn't kick you out of bed for eating crackers."

Even Mongo's customary screech sounded as if he was in awe.

Mordecai-Incubus. Level 50.

Guildmaster of this guildhall.

This is a Non-Combatant NPC.

Also known as the Gigachad of the Over City, Incubi are the male counterparts of the infamous Succubus. The smooth, seductive, and ultimately deadly Incubus can be identified by his stunning good looks, exquisite charm, and sensuous feet. They can only be found on the urban levels of the dungeon. They give new meaning to the phrase "hit it and quit it."

"Princess Donut, Carl, little Mongo, welcome to the third floor. The training levels have concluded. Now the games may truly begin," Mordecai said, bowing slightly. Even his voice had gotten deeper. He indicated for us to enter.

We walked inside, and the door closed behind us.

"Training levels?" I said. "For fuck's sake. You call those training levels?"

"Oh, thank goodness," Mordecai said once the door closed. He ripped the jacket off and pulled off the tie, unbuttoning the top three buttons. The jacket was odd, with a pair of long slits along the back to accommodate his wings. "I thought you two were never going to show up. I've been in this thing for three hours, waiting for you. I hate formal wear."

"The interview ran long," I said. "I take it the general public can't watch this part?"

"Nope," he said. "They'll watch you go in, and they'll watch you come out, but they don't get to see what's going on inside. It's like a jury room."

His room was exactly the same as it had always been, but he'd cleaned up even further. A pair of beds had magically appeared since the last time we'd been in here.

"Those are for the transformation, if required," he said. "Remember what happened with Donut when she took that enhanced pet biscuit?"

I swallowed, remembering the weird, gooey blob thing she'd transformed into before.

"So," Mordecai said, "have you decided who wants to go first? I suggest Princess-"

"Me," Donut said, jumping up on one of the beds. "Let's get this rolling."

"Okay, Carl, take a seat," Mordecai said. I sat in one of the chairs. Mongo jumped into my lap and squeaked, sounding concerned.

"Mommy will be okay," Donut said. "You hang out with Uncle Carl for a few minutes while I get some work done. Behave yourself."

The baby velociraptor settled into my lap. I suddenly felt uncomfortable having that many teeth so close to my crotch. If he bit me now, I didn't know what would happen. I suspected he wouldn't teleport away. Instead, he'd get frozen like Frank and Maggie had that one time. Hopefully, I wouldn't find out.

"Okay," Mordecai said. He waved his hand and a screen appeared floating in the air, like we were on Odette's show. "Your current race is 'cat.' This is a list of all the available races you may choose. It looks like you've been given 320 different choices. It is in alphabetical order, and you may click on any of them to drill down to a very specific set of details. Also, the system AI has narrowed it down to a set of three recommendations. We will spend the next hour or so going over these choices, and then I will-"

"I choose cat. Next."

Mordecai took a deep breath. "Donut, there are a few choices on here where you'll actually look mostly-"

"Cat. Final answer. Let's move on."

Mordecai looked at me. I shrugged. She'd made it clear from the start that she wasn't going to change. I was just happy she'd dropped the idea of me turning into a cat also.

"Okay, then," he said. "A message will pop up, and you have to confirm your choice by clicking on it."

"Wait," I said, a horrific thought coming to me. "It's not going to, you know, change her back to the way she was before, is it?"

"Too late," Donut said. She glowed for a moment. "I clicked it." She looked at her paw. "I feel the same."

"No," Mordecai said. He looked pointedly at Donut. "But it is important to ask questions like that. I made it so she actually chose to not make a choice. Nothing will change, but she will now have access to a few racial benefits she didn't have before."

"Benefits? What are they?" Donut asked.

"I don't know, Princess Donut," Mordecai said, sounding exasperated. "We never got to examine the cat choice in the menu. You'll be able to see when we're done. And you wouldn't have changed yet anyway. The change doesn't happen until the end of the process."

"Okay, Donut," I said. "We need to think carefully about this next choice. Let's see what the AI suggests. Okay?"

"Let's do this," she said. "Show me anything with the word 'princess' or 'queen' in the title."

"Okay, moving on," Mordecai said. A list of items appeared on the screen, though the list appeared to be much shorter than the last one.

Mordecai paused, his eyes flashing as he quickly looked over the selections. "Okay, Princess Donut. It looks as if you've been given 34 class choices. That's a pretty short list. In fact, it's the shortest I've ever seen, but I think that's a combination of your racial choice and a result of your stats. Your base constitution is still two." He paused. "No, actually it's four now, thanks to your racial choice of cat." He again searched through his unseen menus. "Oh, I see now. It's actually a combination of four things. You both also have that Desperado pass, which precludes several of the classes right off the bat. And Donut has that tiara on her head, which narrows it even further. But that's all right. There are still a few great choices on there."

"So what's good?" Donut asked, looking at the list. "Ohh, that one sounds cool. It sounds menacing yet mysterious and fun. I pick that one."

"Wait," I said, jumping to my feet. I caught the now-asleep Mongo in the crook of my arm and rushed to the screen. "Do not pick anything yet until we've looked it over carefully."

Donut pointed at something entitled NecroBard.

Mordecai grunted. "That's actually not a bad choice. It's one of the three recommendations."

I looked over the list. The only base classes available to her were Bard, Magic User, and Barbarian. Each of the base classes had a few additional items under them, including Necromancer, Wind Mage, and Warlock. The NecroBard subclass was listed under both Bard and Necromancer. There was also an Earth Class heading, and the majority of the available items were listed under there. Included on that list were several interesting items, including Feral Cat Berserker, Animal Test Subject, and Roller Derby Jammer.

I looked at the list of the three AI-picked recommendations. They were:

Artist Alley Mogul.

NecroBard.

and

Former Child Actor.

I said a silent thank-you to the game gods that they hadn't named the roller derby one "Derby Queen." She probably would've insisted upon picking it without reading anything. We'd discussed this, and we had a loose plan based on Odette's advice. But Donut was also prone to go off the rails from time to time.

"Donut," I said. "Click on each of the three recommendations so we can see the information."

"I'm telling you right now I am absolutely not choosing this one," Donut said as she clicked on the first choice.

Artist Alley Mogul.

This Charisma- and Intelligence-based class is the modern-day merchant. Using your superior artistic talent to entertain and entice fellow nerds, the Artist Alley Mogul travels the world to sell her copyright-infringing wares. While not particularly menacing physically, this plucky merchant is extremely difficult to hurt. Members of this class receive the following benefits:

+5 Dexterity.

Instant access to the level 5 Shield spell.

A 25% discount at all stores plus a 15% bonus to money earned from sales.

10% interest earned on all coins upon descent to the next level.

Level 5 Pathfinder skill.

Access to Enhanced Dodge, which allows the Dodge skill to train to level 20.

Level 5 Dodge skill. (Already obtained.)

Additional subclasses become available on the sixth floor.

This is an Earth Class. As an incentive to choose an Earth Class, you will receive a Silver Earth Box upon choosing this class.

Mordecai grunted. "That incentive is a little weak compared to what they usually do. It's usually a gold box and a couple stat points."

"I'm not surprised," I muttered. My eyes immediately focused on that Pathfinder skill. Odette had said I needed to find something with that skill. But we were looking for something else, too.

"Still," Mordecai said. "This is a very good choice for her. If she can get Dodge over level 15, she will be almost impossible to hit. And a 25% discount at stores is great, too. That'll be on top of the bonus she already gets from her charisma. Stuff will be half-price for her, and that's a huge deal. But most importantly, you'd have access to the Pathfinder skill. It'll make finding stairwells, shops, and guilds much easier."

"Yeah, no," Donut said. "Artist Alley? Really? Aren't those the nerds that like Star Wars and draw pictures of cats dressed like the guys from The A-Team and stuff?" She shuddered.

"It's a good choice," I said. "Let's look at the other two."

NecroBard.

This unusual class combines one of the most loved occupations with one of the most reviled. Necromancers specialize in magic related to raising the dead. Bards must choose an entertainment-based skill. Depending on this choice, whether it be singing, the kazoo, or storytelling, the resulting crawler will use this skill to either entertain, protect, or glamour both the living and the dead.

The NecroBard receives the following benefits:

Instant access to a level 5 entertainment-based skill of their choice.

Access to all membership-based clubs, regardless of current memberships.

Free rooms at all safe rooms.

A 10% mana cost penalty on all non-Necromancer or non-Bard spells.

Instant access to the level 3 Turn Undead spell.

Instant access to the level 3 Panty Dropper spell.

+5 to Constitution, Charisma, and Intelligence.

−2 Strength.

Additional benefits depending on entertainment-based skill choice.

"So help me god," I said, "I will abandon you right here and right now if you choose to take up the kazoo."

"I could play an instrument," Donut said, voice full of wonder. "I could be a singer!"

"We want to keep viewers, remember?" I said.

"What this description doesn't say is that a lot of the necromancer spells will be cast with her instrument," Mordecai said. "And that means she won't have to use spell points to cast them. That's pretty huge. Plus each instrument has a long list of additional benefits. This is a solid choice if you end up picking a DPS class. Something that does a lot of damage. She'll have a wide range of both protection and other support skills."

"Carl, look! I could get a harmonica!" Donut said. She'd pulled up the submenu of entertainment skills. She gasped. "Bongos. They have bongos, Carl."

"Harmonica? How would that even work?" I said. "You don't have thumbs."

"You don't need thumbs for the harmonica, Carl. Not if I get one of those neck thingies."

I had a quick vision of tiny Zev attempting to strangle me after I allowed Donut to take up a ridiculous instrument. "Please, let's just look at that third choice."

Former Child Actor.

This rare subclass is an offshoot of the Character Actor class. It can only be obtained by crawlers who have both received the Cut! achievement and have obtained at least one trillion views.

Once a spoiled brat superstar, then addicted to drugs, you have crawled back from the brink stronger than ever. You are ready for your comeback. This Charisma- and Chance-based class could go either way. You'll either rise to the top, or you'll be dead in a ditch in a week.

This unique Earth Class is based on the Bard/Rogue Jack-of-All-Trades subclass, but with a few distinctive differences.

In addition to the following benefits, the most distinct aspect of this multifaceted class is the level 3 Character Actor skill. This skill increases in level only upon descent to the next floor.

Additional benefits:

Immunity to all poisons and diseases.

Level 5 Cockroach skill.

+10 to Charisma.

+15% faster growth in all Charisma-based skills.

The Manager Benefit.

This is an Earth Class. As an incentive to choose an Earth Class, you will receive a Silver Earth Box upon choosing this class.

I watched Donut's eyes get huge upon reading this one.

"What the hell is the Character Actor skill? Or the Cockroach skill?" I asked. "And what was the Cut! achievement? I don't remember that one."

"I got it for being a good actress," Donut said. "When we tricked the goblin shamankas."

"Okay, but it doesn't explain what the 'character actor' part means. Mordecai?"

Mordecai didn't say anything for several moments. His lip was curled in displeasure. On that incubus face of his, it looked downright menacing.